Hello, everyone. So i keep meaning to post consistent updates but like, adhd brain. i sit here and think about doing it for hours and hours, but nothing happens, and suddenly three weeks pass by?? i took a break from making art back in october because i needed to get my medication adjusted and all that so i went inpatient for a week or two. the staff and other people i met there were amazing and i wouldn’t hesitate to go back if i needed to again. however, it’s been difficult to get back into my art-making routine since i went there, even though i’m not currently having any mental health issues.
i spend most of my time browsing through multiple articles and documentaries on volcanoes, specifically, supervolcanoes and calderas, which are, you can say, my special interest. i’ve recently discovered i may be on the autism spectrum as well as the schizophrenia spectrum, so i’m waiting to get officially tested. i’ve already been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, which though isn’t an actual diagnosis or whatever, is a real disorder. sounds make me irritable to the point of meltdowns, so i wear noise-cancelling headphones all the time. certain lights give me headaches…textures that don’t agree with my brain can make me gag and vomit. any overload of any of the senses can sometimes make me shut down completely, cause an anxiety attack, meltdown, or give me a migraine. with the assessment, i’m hoping it’ll provide me some insight as to why i am the way i am, as well as the experiences with social interaction issues i’ve always had.
anyway, since december, i’ve acquired lots of new art supplies…much higher quality than what i’ve been working with. i haven’t tried it yet, but when i do, i’m hoping to record some videos for my youtube and patreon and start doing that more often. i’ve also recently learned the reason why i have such difficulty with creativity and visualization — aphantasia. it’s basically the lack of a visual imagination, or mind’s eye. for me, i can’t visualize details or definite images of things i’ve seen even a million times before. i used to be able to see things in my mind, but it seems that i’ve lost that over time for whatever reason. it’s aggravating as hell, but nothing to really do about it, i guess? there are ways around it though, such as using reference photos and going from there. i like to use automatism..nothing is planned ahead, i just go with what the colors and shapes want me to go. it’s not a reliable process but it’s all i have at the moment. i have a lot of motivation to paint, but i just haven’t in a while. trying to get myself sorted out and my shit together before i dive back into art, i guess.
i think that maybe i want to try to do weekly updates on this blog, or try to. i’ve always wanted to be a blogger but since schizophrenia is a thing in my brain, it’s kinda hard to care about things or get my thoughts into a coherent form that’s socially acceptable. Are weekly updates a thing anyone would be interested in, even if it’s just like a stream-of-consciouness sort of thingy?
Hope everyone has a good weekend!!